I am going to have my whine today.
I had the year from hell last year, I spent 6 months of it mostly lying down even to eat because I was too weak to sit up. I won't go into detail but it came to a head when I was called for transplant assessment.
That was back in Oct/Nov. Shortly after that, despite the fact that they found a shadow on my lung I started to feel stronger.
The transplant co-ordinator had stressed to me that my consultant would look more favourably on me, if when next I saw him, I could walk from the waiting area into his office. I decided that this was going to be my mission and instead of using the commode like I had been doing I was walking passed it and going to the bathroom.
By the January I was looking and feeling much better. I was eating more and breathing better. They wanted to do a bronchoscopy to find out what this shadow was but they were loathe to sedate me as they thought that my lungs would not stand it. I was sent for a lung function test and I was happy to hear that I had made the leap from 92% to 96% and could be sedated after all.
Since then until now I have suffered three bouts of Pleurisy that have kept me pretty sedentary and I stopped visiting the bathroom or doing anything really until quite recently.
Okay so my SAT's are between 93 and 97 on 2L of oxygen on a good day. Gemma my nurse has been coming and I have managed to get downstairs and completed all but the walking exercises to prepare for the Pulmonary Rehabilitation that starts at the end of this week. She has stressed to me that I won't be holding back the others, that I can work at my own pace which is fine, but I am just having creeping doubts about whether I can really do this or if I am just kidding myself. I want this. I asked for this. Everyone is behind me, there is nothing stopping me except my worn out lungs and myself.
I suppose it's the whole logistics of getting there and being on time. It took me an hour and a quarter just to wash my hair. I started by thinking I could just do it quickly by kneeling at the side of the bath and bending over. I got down on my knees and I couldn't get up! Seriously I had NOTHING that I could use to get me in a standing position. How Jon managed to lift me is beyond me cos I was a dead weight and he is still suffering from his op. It brought it home rather brutally what a worn out creature I was.
I have to have a plan for Friday when they start or I will be arriving as they are leaving. I have to drive myself there and find a parking place. It all sounds like a total nightmare and I can feel myself panicking already.
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