Yesterday was a busy day for me. Toby brought me a cup of coffee before he went to school, but on looking out of the window at the rain it was obvious that I was not going to get out that day. I rang Emma and she agreed to come and visit and she walked in the house just as I got to the bottom of the stairs.
We have both decided that CBT is not the thing for me. My fears are terrifyingly real unlike others who fear places or things that bring on their panic attacks. I am coming round to the realisation that it is my suffocation alarm that is triggering them and so she has decided that councelling might be better. I have low self esteem and depression and this might help. I am just grateful that I am not being abandoned. I will wait to hear from her.
An hour later Karen and Gemma arrived. We talked about the Lung Transplant proposal and what I have to do in order for this to happen and so Karen has upped my exercise routine. It went relatively well. I struggled with the ones where I had to stand but the others were fine. What I was determined to improve on was the walk and I was very pleased to actually do 4 mins at last after a few weeks of giving up after 2mins.
Had another nasty panic attack last night. I hate them, they render me incapable of anything including talking or thinking straight and seemed to go on all evening. My body felt battered and bruised by the time I lay down to sleep.
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